Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
