you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
