the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
