If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
