life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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