one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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