I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
