guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
