I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
