I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
