Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
