someone get that fucking seahorse.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
