Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
