he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
