i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
