i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
