I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
