God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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