you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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