Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Welp...herpes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
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I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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