Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
