She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
