Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
