I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
