You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
