If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize