If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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