i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
