remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just threw up on my dentist
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dicks are not precious.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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