we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
