I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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