It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
