the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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