You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
