I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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