thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
