Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
