i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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