Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.