I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
