I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
