I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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