Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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