you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual