swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.