you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.