Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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