Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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