i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
