she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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