So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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