I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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