She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
