I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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