I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
