Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I didn't notice because vodka
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
