NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
