Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
