You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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