By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
