it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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