I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
