saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
