so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
