I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
