nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
