i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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