Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
