you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
