Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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