thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
