She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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