You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
