Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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