My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
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