A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
