i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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