what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
