Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
its liver damage thursday
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