that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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